woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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