I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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