Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
