you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
