I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dicks are not precious.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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