Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
