My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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