Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
