Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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