The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
