I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
