You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
