how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
