Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
