I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
