Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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