I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
