I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
