So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
