theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
