I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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