When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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