I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
