i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
