Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
