he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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