Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
