Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
