Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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