just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
