Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize