i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Shame - the story of my life.
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