i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
