We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
