there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
