my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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