Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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