Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
