i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
