3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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