so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
