The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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