it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize