yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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