I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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