I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
