So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
