Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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