and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
