Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
