Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
