Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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