He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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