What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
