so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
