I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
