Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
