he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
