don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
