I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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