My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
