She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i came on her dog
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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