keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
