I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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