he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
