sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Text me some of your sweat
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