260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
