So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
