Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
