I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Found the puke drawer
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
