9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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