a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
pray to the hookup gods
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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