there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
