You're my little dorito
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
