I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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