Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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