Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sober January is a disaster.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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