We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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