these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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