His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
organizing the empties. That sober.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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