Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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