what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
