If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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