my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is wine microwaveable?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
