omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
