I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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