After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
True college students do jello shots in the library
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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