Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Are we still banned from the library?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
