New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize