I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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