You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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