I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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