Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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